It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
