I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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