just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
