Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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