Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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