yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
