we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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