I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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