she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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