i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
