You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
