This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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