we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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