I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
