He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize