my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
