dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
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He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
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Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
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