I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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