I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
