We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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