We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
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