New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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