We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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