First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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