so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
