I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
