She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
