Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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