Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Why is there bacon in the couch?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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