I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
