counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
