you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
