just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
