i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
My ass is underappreciated
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
