Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I'm passing your future prison.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
