I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Randomize
