Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
