i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Why are you drunk at the library?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.