I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
two words: eviction party
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
23 Bosses Confess The Craziest Thing They’ve Seen An Employee Do
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
19 People Confess What It’s Like To Have Sex With Someone That Is Transitioning
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.