Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
19 Confessions From A Dude With A Micropenis
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.