There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
25 Shocking High School Scandals You Won’t Believe Are True
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Be still, my beating vagina.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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