He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.