Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
