Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
