why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
