This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
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