I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
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