hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
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