I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Randomize
