1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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