We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
