I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
