her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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