Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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