I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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