then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
