I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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