I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
