she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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