Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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