As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Randomize
