You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
They should really pass out barf bags in church
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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