tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
