Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
