Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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