she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
