I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
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